The angry side of it all

You know what...I'm going to tell you the angry side of my SL experience. I am mad because I was just an innocent explorer..having fun goofing off around my little safe haven. Then one day- some guy comes up to me and blows it all apart.

Suddenly- I don't just go on SL to explore and have fun. I have to start liking this guy. And why? Because he dances with me, talks to me, gives me things..because he says he LIKES me. I did that with my first partner..and look where that got me!

I am angry because I did this once..and I promised I wouldn't do it again....but I did! I got so completely obsessed with him and the game. I started acting like a jealous little girl. Saying stupid crap I would never say. I felt embarrassed most of the time..the things he wanted me to do..and I felt obligated to to them because of all the "gifts" he gave me.

It was a complete tug-o-war. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world...and I felt like the most gullible idiot on the planet. One part says it was real- one part says it was all a mind game.

I mean the cons to this guy- if I were doing this in RL- were enough to make me say..uhhh..no.
But it was SL..I didn't give a crap about RL details..I was having fun. But then, he had to get to me. And I started getting all weird. And then I had to tell him the truth to my RL..and then it started to not be a game anymore. I didn't want him to know my RL details. Who I am..my RL..is what I was trying to escape. I wanted him to know my SL me...w/o all the RL bullshit that gets in the way.

It sucks. It just sucks- why couldn't he just have given me what I wanted? For me to be his and vice versa..we would rule Mythical together and have a blast doing whatever we wanted to do in SL.

NOOO..he had reel me in with his suave ways...and always hang over my head that he has some stupid Russian girlfriend who liked to keep putting ugly demon animals all over my beautiful Mythical.

Funny thing is..I think her and I were a lot alike. In totally different ways....she was the dark and I was the light. She liked the sharp swift dark side to things..I liked the soft, innocent gracefullness to things. I may be completely wrong, I didn't know her..but from what I saw of her style..I think I am not far from the truth. But just like my other guy I hung out with..she could talk computer with him. I couldn't. So I was on the back burner.

This is probably why he liked me at first...I think the innocent side of me intrigued him. But men's attentions can only be held for so long. You know when a guy likes you when he seeks you out. By the end, I would sign on..and he wouldn't even say hello unless I said it first. If he was really interested- he wouldn't do that. A man would be waiting for me.

That's what I want..and I don't think I'll find it on SL. Men are there to play. I guess I was there to play too...I didn't expect to actually want to keep the attentions of guys on there. But it happened- and I broke away before it would go any further.

I put myself in her shoes. I didn't like what I was doing to her..or helping him do. I shouldn't have been tempting him. But then again, he shouldn't have been hanging around with me either. It was such a sticky mess..we both liked eachother- or at least I liked him. How do you stay away from that? I broke it off with that other guy. I didn't want to hurt him..and I wanted to persue what I had found. For curiousity's sake- and because I couldn't let the exhilarating feeling go.

What is right and wrong in that situation? I regret on both parts..letting go..and doing what I did. What a wicked web we weave...I started out as a carefree wide-eyed explorer..and ended up a broken, confused thing. I will recover- I am used to men's games. But I am losing hope in finding that feeling- that dream you can melt into..and fall into oblivion.

Was it all a game- or was it real? I don't know......People are cruel. And I am one of them.